


I Can't Make You Love Me

by thekatthatbarks



Category: Naruto
Genre: Divorce, F/M, Friendship, Marriage, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-10 05:36:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7832398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekatthatbarks/pseuds/thekatthatbarks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke thinks back on his marriage with Sakura and wonders if he could ever really make her happy. He starts to notice he can't make her smile like a certain silver haired jounin can. Maybe they weren't really meant to be after all. First chapter in Sasuke's POV and later chapters in Kakashi's and Sakura's.<br/>Not a Sasusaku story, at least in the romantic sense. Inspired by 'I Can't Make You Love Me' by Bonnie Raitt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> Set after the war during Sasuke and Sakura's marriage. I had planned on including Sarada, but I ended up going a different direction instead. No Sasuke-bashing in the story, because I personally like Sasuke as a character. I just don't ship sasusaku.  
> Thank you for reading and please comment! :)

The moonlight danced across his pale skin as he laid awake staring at the woman beside him. Sakura’s back was to him, her arms wrapped around herself protectively from the cold chill in the room. Sasuke sighed as he saw her shiver in her sleep and tugged the blanket over her bare shoulders. Why couldn’t she just roll closer to him and cuddle against his side for warmth? He would hold her, like any other good husband would. But he knew she wouldn’t do that, because she never had. And maybe that was his fault for not telling her she could. But in a marriage isn’t that to be expected? Should he really have to tell her that she could take whatever she needed from him?

But it had never been like that, even in the beginning, in the what people called the “honeymoon phase”. Which Sasuke had never understood, because it hadn’t felt like that. It had just felt normal, like how he and Sakura had always been. And it still felt like that. Sasuke wasn’t stupid, though. He knew it wasn’t _supposed_ to feel the same throughout a relationship. There was supposed to be ups and downs, moments that you would smile when you looked back on them and ones that made you cringe. Sasuke tried to think of something, _anything_ that had made his heart feel warm like people said when they talked about _true love_ and _soulmates_. But nothing came to mind. He expected to see Sakura smiling brightly at him and telling him she loved him with a sincere smile. But the closest was when they were twelve and Sakura would follow him around like a puppy declaring her love for him. That wasn’t real love, though, it was the crush of a girl who had barely seen the world. Sasuke knew that, but couldn’t help but resent the long time since the last time she had looked at him with such adoration. The love in Sakura’s eyes now when she looked at him was nothing but a ghost of what once was, what _could’ve_ been if he hadn’t taken the dark path he had.

They had only dated for a few months after the war and then had gotten married. At the time Sasuke had thought it was to make up for lost time, but now he wondered if it had just been because it was what they thought they were _supposed_ to do. The tragic couple of a loyal woman trying to save the man she had loved since she was a little girl from himself. They had to have their happy ending, didn’t they? 

But maybe they should’ve dated longer and got to know each other better before committing themselves to wholly to one another. Not to say that Sasuke didn’t know Sakura. He knew her, almost everything about her. After three years of marriage, how couldn’t he? He knew that she liked her coffee with only one sugar, she said she liked it bittersweet. He knew that she hated peanuts in any of her meals, but would eat them by themselves. He knew random things about her, little facts that would prove that he had lived with her for so long. But he was pretty sure he didn’t know the _real_ Sakura. He didn’t know her heart, her honest opinions, the things that kept her up at night when she feigned sleep. And wasn’t that ridiculous? How can someone not know their own spouse? But really, though, it made sense. There had always been a wall between them and though he didn’t know which one of them had actually put it up, he was beginning to believe that neither of them could break it down.

In the beginning, he had expected Sakura to be more affectionate towards him. And she had been, but it had worn off probably along with the fantasy of whoever she thought he was. Not to say that Sakura was ever cold to him. She was a loving wife, she kissed him and told him she loved him. But Sasuke was beginning to accept that maybe her undying love for him had turned into something else. She loved him, he knew that and believed it, but it wasn’t the type of love a wife should have for her husband. An outsider would never think that she wasn’t happy. But Sasuke knew she wasn’t. He could tell that her smiles never reached her eyes. When she didn’t think he was looking, he saw how depressed she was. He had only begun to notice it in the past year and had hoped that it didn’t have anything to do with him, that maybe it was just the ghost of her past catching up with her. He had hoped she would come to him for comfort and open up to him, showing him she trusted him with all of herself. But she never did and Sasuke didn’t know how to ask her to. Because what if it had been years that she had felt like that, but he had barely noticed now? What kind of husband would he be to not have known? He felt he hadn’t earned the right to ask her and that kept him silent. It was only a few months ago that he was forced to accept that Sakura wasn’t suffering from any memories of the war. 

He had been returning from a mission and was walking towards the hospital to have Sakura check over his injuries. Even though they were just minor and didn’t really call for a hospital fit, he knew she would have a fit if he didn’t come see her as soon as he got back to the village. It was around noon when he stepped through the gates and he hoped that she wasn’t out at lunch. He was nearing the hospital when he passed by her and he almost didn’t recognize her. Her head was thrown back in laughter, causing her long pink hair to sway in the wind. Her cheeks were flushed and her smile was wide. She looked beautiful. But what surprised him most was her eyes, bright and alive. He hadn’t seen them like that in years and he was beginning to wonder if he _ever_ had seen them like that.

He had stopped in his tracks to watch her, but she hadn’t noticed him and kept walking. He tore his eyes away from her to see who was making her look like that and was welcomed with the sight of Kakashi’s flash of silver hair and lazy slouch. His Icha Icha Paradise was tucked safely away and peeking out of his flask jacket. He was smiling down at her and looking at her in a way Sasuke never had. Sasuke could tell he was really smiling, because of the way his mask stretched. The two had never noticed him, so caught up in their own conversation it was like they were in a different world. Sasuke watched as they turned the corner, probably on their way to lunch.

Sasuke had stood there for a moment, his feet planted firmly to the side of the road. He felt something uneasy settle in his stomach and recognized it as jealousy. He tried to ignore it biting at him, remembering how Sakura was smiling and decided that it didn’t really matter who was the cause, just that she was smiling. All that mattered was that it looked like she was feeling more like herself. He smiled to himself and headed for the hospital to wait for her to get back.

When she had arrived, she had greeted him warmly and told him she was happy he was back and that she had missed him. But he was disappointed to notice that her smile wasn’t like earlier and that it was back to how it had been before he left. Was it really _him_ that was making her unhappy?

Sasuke had started to watch how Sakura interacted with their friends. He had thought that maybe if he was the sole cause of her unhappiness then she would be happier around other people. And while that turned out to be partly true, it wasn’t entirely the case. The smiles she offered to Ino and Lee were just like the ones she gave him, sincere but not reaching her eyes. The closest she came to that day was when she was with Naruto, but still her face never lit up as strongly as Sasuke remembered. And then there was Kakashi.

It felt like she reserved her warmest smiles for their ex-sensei. She at least, seemed the happiest when he joined their groups outings. At first, Sasuke had thought it was because of who he had been to them all their lives; a sensei, a leader, and now a friend. He had thought that maybe Sakura saw him as a sort of father figure, since she had lost hers during the war. But the more Sasuke watched them, he learned that that wasn’t it at all. It was when they were by themselves that he saw it, like they had been that day. If he had arrived late to a party due to a mission or meeting with the Hokage, they were always together, huddled at the bar or in a booth. Or he’d see them walking beside each other as he went to the Hokage Tower to report his mission. Then, he finally understood. It wasn’t really that he was making Sakura unhappy, it was just that Kakashi made her _happier_.

It was her, really, that had finally made it click inside his head. It was the way she was when she was with Kakashi versus when she was with him. When she was at home, she had always felt closed off to him like she was holding herself back for some reason. But with Kakashi it looked like she was finally at _peace_ , like she could let herself go and be herself. She had never looked that relaxed around him and he had no idea how to change that. He didn’t think he could. 

He didn’t think Sakura was necessarily in love with Kakashi, but he knew she wasn’t with him. And unlike Sasuke, she could fall in love with Kakashi. The potential was there, the _hope_ was there. He saw it in her eyes when she looked at Kakashi. Sasuke knew that whatever window they had to fall in love with each other had long passed. He loved her, he did, he had a great appreciation for the woman who had so loyally chased after him and tried to save him. He didn’t think he could fall in love with anyone besides her, he had always thought that and he still did. But Sakura could still find love somewhere else, with someone else. The kind of love that stories are made of, that made your heart melt, that made you feel _complete_. True love. And he wanted that for her and maybe that was Kakashi. Even if he wasn’t, Sasuke still wanted her to find it. She deserved it.

Sasuke turned away from Sakura and looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was almost five and he was pretty sure Naruto had already started his trek to the Hokage tower. That gave him some time.

 

When he came back to the house with the heavy envelope in his hand, Sakura was already up and making them breakfast. She turned to him with a smile when he stepped into the kitchen, setting the envelope on the table.

“Sasuke,” she smiled at him as she made their plates, “I was wondering where you had run off to. You weren’t there when I woke up. I was starting to get worried.”

He walked over to her and grabbed his plate, placing a kiss on the diamond on her forehead, “I’m sorry. I had something important to pick up.”

She rose an eyebrow at him as they sat down to eat, “Oh? And what’s that?”

He avoided her eyes and moved the envelope to his side of the table, “After we eat.”

Sakura nodded, casting a wry glance at the large envelope, but said nothing. After the table was cleared she gestured towards the envelope, “Is that the ‘something important’?”

Sasuke nodded and handed it towards her. She opened it and pulled the papers out. He watched her expression change as she read the top of the paper. Her eyes went wide and she gasped. Sasuke saw how her hands gripped the papers so tight and worried she might rip them. She looked up at him with confusion and hurt etched across her face, “Sasuke?”

He met her eyes for a second and then looked away from her. He knew she didn’t love him like he wanted her to, but he wasn’t foolish enough to think he wasn’t hurting her right now. When he didn’t answer her, she asked in a small voice, “You want a divorce?”

Sasuke looked back to her and saw that her eyes were starting to water. He reached across the table and took her hands in both of his, “Sakura, you’re not happy.”

She looked at him shocked and opened her mouth to reply, but he caught her off, “I know you, Sakura. I know that I’m not what you want, anymore.”

“Sasuke, that’s not true. I love you. I always have,” She argued, but even to Sasuke it sounded like a mantra she had been repeating to herself.

He shook his head, running his thumbs across her skin in a soothing way, “But it’s not what you had thought it would be like. _I’m_ not what you had thought I would be like. I’m not the man of your dreams from when you were twelve, Sakura. I never was and we both need to accept that.”

Sakura bit back a sob, but she didn’t argue with him. He felt a pain in his chest and looked away from her crying face to her hands, “You’d be happier with someone else and I owe it to you to let you see that for yourself.”

He could hear her trying to calm her breathing and it reminded him how many times he had actually seen her cry since the end of the war. He wondered if it was because she hated looking weak in front of him. The thought made him feel so guilty, because he should have made her feel more comfortable to show all of her emotions to him. But like everything else, he knew it was too late for that. 

Sakura cleared her throat and it made his eyes return to her. She looked at him confused, “You say that like you already have someone in mind.”

“I do,” he met her eyes and there was a moment of silence, and then her eyes went wide as she realized. 

“S-Sasuke,” her voice was panicked and he felt her grip in his hands tighten, “I didn’t mean for it to happen and I-I, we, didn’t do anything. I never told him and -“

He interrupted her rambling and attempted a small smile, “Sakura, it’s okay. I know nothing happened. I know you would never cheat on me.”

Her breath caught at the word “cheat” and whatever self-control she had had on her emotions broke and she started crying again. She pulled her hands away from him and buried her face in them, trying to muffle her sobs. Sasuke got up from his chair and walked around the table and knelt in front of her.

He gently grabbed her hands and tugged them away from her face. She continued to cry, though, “I’m so s-sorry. I’m s-sorry, S-Sasuke. I didn’t mean to. I still l-love you. I’ll a-always love you”

He gave her a sad smile and brought a hand up to cup her cheek. She leaned into it and closed her eyes. “I love you, too. Sakura. And there’s nothing for you to feel sorry about. You can’t make yourself love me and you can’t make your heart feel something that it won’t.”

Sakura opened her eyes and just stared at him torn as tears continued to stain her cheeks. Sasuke wiped her tears away with his thumb, “I just want you to be happy. And I can’t make you happy, I’ve tried. But he can, he _does_ and he doesn’t even have to try.”

“How did you know?” she asked him, her voice hoarse.

Sasuke gave her a lopsided smile, “You’re yourself around him, more relaxed. He knows all of you, while you only show me a few parts. When you’re with him…your smile reaches your eyes and you look so beautiful, Sakura. I wish I could make you look like that, but I can’t.”

“I’m sorry.”

Sasuke dropped his hand away from her face and grabbed her hands again, “Don’t be, Sakura. I know there’s some things were never going to be able to get past. And I don’t blame you for that.”

She shook her head and looked at him intensely, “No, Sasuke. Don’t say that. I’ve forgiven you for everything. I forgave you a long time ago. I want you to know that.”

Sasuke sighed, “Well, then, sometimes forgiveness isn’t enough.”

She didn’t argue with him this time and he stood up. He rubbed a hand on her arm comfortingly and turned her towards the table, “Sign the papers, Sakura.”

She stared at them and then looked back up at him, “But Sasuke…what about you?”

He chuckled, “Sakura, I’ll be fine.”

“But who will cook for you and make sure you’ve ate, because sometimes you forget? And who will make sure you’re not working yourself to death? And who will patch you up when you come home from a bad mission? Who’s going to say welcome home to you?” She looked so worried as she stared up at him and Sasuke had never felt so loved than he did in that moment, even if it wasn’t how he thought it would be.

“I’ve been alone most of my life, Sakura. I’ll live. And besides are you saying that you won’t fix me up anymore? Do I have to get a new medic, too?” He tried to lighten the mood and saw the corner of Sakura’s mouth quirk.

She shook her head, “Of course not. I still want you to come see me when you come home.” 

She turned back to the papers and just stared at them. She made no move for the pen that had fallen out of the envelope with them. A couple minutes passed and she spoke up, “You will, won’t you?”

“What?”

She didn’t turn around and answered, “Come see me when you get back from a mission.”

He looked at the back of her pink head surprised, but replied, “Yes. I promise I will.”

She nodded, knowing he’d keep his word. She didn’t say anything else and moved her hand for the pen, but then dropped it back to her lap. Sasuke could see her shoulders shaking as he stood behind her and knew she was crying again. She started shaking her head, “No, no, I can’t leave you. I _won’t_ leave you. I can’t do that to you.”

He grabbed her shoulders, trying to calm her down, “Sakura, you’re not leaving me. We’re just getting a divorce. I know you’re worried about leaving me alone. But I _will_ be alright. I still have my friends and I’ll still have you, won’t I? We’ll be friends. We’ve always been more friends than anything else anyway, really. This isn’t goodbye. We’ll still see each other. You’ll always be family to me.”

Sakura bit back a sob at the last sentence, but nodded, picking up the pen with a shaky hand, “We will. We will always be family.” She hovered over the dotted line she was supposed to sign, “I’ll always love you, Sasuke. Don’t ever doubt that. I’ll always be there for you no matter what.” And with a deep breath she signed her name, flipping through the pages searching for more signature lines.

When she was finished she stood up and threw her arms around him, holding onto him tightly. He held her with just as much strength. He could smell the strawberry shampoo from her hair as he buried his face in her neck. He could also smell the scent of salty tears and was surprised to find that they were his own. He promised as he held her tightly, “I feel the same way, Sakura. Don’t ever forget that.”

 

_*five years later*_

Good on what they had said that day, Sakura and Sasuke remained friends and they were still good friends till this day. It took some time for them to get there, though. They didn’t see much of each other for a few months after the divorce. Sasuke took as many missions as he could to just get out of the village, even though he knew Sakura would be upset with him. But he kept his promise to her and went to see her at the hospital every time he came back. They made small talk and it wasn’t awkward, but they still weren’t ready for their new friendship to feel normal. Sasuke always left as soon as he could and Sakura let him. Besides the hospital they didn’t make any attempts to see each other for a while. Sakura, because she couldn’t shake the guilt of being another person to leave Sasuke, despite what Sasuke told her. Sasuke, because he didn’t want to see her with Kakashi.

It took Sasuke and Sakura a year to ease back into a friendship to where they hung out regularly. Sasuke hadn’t been looking forward to seeing Sakura and Kakashi together, but nothing had changed. When the group all got together it wasn’t any different from when him and Sakura had been married, except that they didn’t stick to each other’s side. To Sasuke’s surprise, though, Sakura didn’t get together with Kakashi until a year and a half after the divorce. Sakura had waited for her and Sasuke to be in a good place before she moved on and Sasuke probably appreciated it more than she knew. When they did get together, though, Sasuke was relieved to find that it didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would. He knows if it had been right away, it would have. But he felt happy for her and gave her a genuine smile when he noticed them walking down the street with her arm wrapped around his. 

His relationship with Kakashi hadn’t changed either, which he was thankful for. He had always seen his ex-sensei as more of an older brother than a mentor and he was happy that they still managed to remain friends. They were sparing one day, a few months after Kakashi and Sakura had gotten together, when Kakashi asked him, “It doesn’t change anything, does it?”

Sasuke had been confused, but when he noticed the apprehensive look in Kakashi’s eyes he understood. He shook his head with a chuckle, “No, we’re good, Kakashi.” Kakashi had grinned at him and his shoulders had slumped in relief. And that had been all that was said on the subject.

He had attended their wedding and he had been one of the first people Sakura called when she found out she was pregnant. She was always smiling every time he saw her now, and not the _almost_ smiles she had had before. They were wide and warm and reached her eyes. She was finally happy. He had waited with all of their friends for little Sakumo to finally join their world. He had held the baby in his arms after Naruto finally gave him up. The baby was beautiful just like his parents and he made sure to tell them. He had spiky pink hair and green eyes. He had most of Sakura’s traits, but still managed to look just like his father somehow. He had Kakashi’s face, which Sasuke had finally seen that day after Kakashi gave up his mask because he wanted his son to be able to recognize him. 

And now barely a second after opening his front door, he had a ball of pink hair tumbling towards him, yelling, “Uncle Sasuke!” Sasuke picked the two-year-old up with a laugh as the boy’s parents walked into his house. They smiled at him and Kakashi handed him a bottle of wine. The Hatake family came over once a week for dinner so Sakumo could see his Uncle Sasuke. When Sakura had told him it would be a regular thing after the first night, he had grinned at her, happy she had proposed it. He was glad to know they hadn’t been empty promises and that they would always be family.

“I’m almost finished with dinner if you guys want to wait in the living room,” Sasuke gestured behind him. They nodded and headed that way after Sakura gave him a peck on the cheek in greeting.

He looked at the small boy in his arms, “So, how bout it, Sakumo-kun? Want to help Uncle Sasuke cook?”

Sakumo nodded his head excitedly and Sasuke put him down on the floor. As he followed after the running toddler to the kitchen, he couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes love worked out differently than you thought. But he wouldn’t change it for the world.


	2. Sunflowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the warm comments! So, I decided to do a chapter with Kakashi's POV and then one more with Sakura's. Thank you bluefurcape (prettykid) for the idea! It kind of got away from me and the once one-shot is probably going to be 20k words. But I had fun and thanks to all the readers still interested!  
> The scenes aren't in order, but I tried to make it easy for the reader to understand when what happened. If you get confused just tell me and I'll help.  
> I hope ya'll enjoy! :)

_There’s always a moment; a certain time and place when you know. When you know that you are in love._ Kakashi scoffed. There wasn’t just a specific moment. You didn’t just wake up and realize oh hey, I’m in love. Love was gradual, it was slow and you can feel yourself falling into it. It was agonizing and you can feel every minute of it, just hoping that maybe that other person will catch you before you hit the ground.

Kakashi hadn’t really ever been in love before. Sure, he had _loved_ before, but he had never been _in love_. But he wasn’t ignorant. He knew what it was when it happened. He was a romantic after all, just ask his Icha Icha collection. He’d heard about it, read about it. It did take him some time to recognize it for what it was, though. The butterflies in his stomach, the strange nervousness he had never felt before, that all-consuming feeling. When he started to come to terms with it, he figured it was just a crush, that he could just shrug it off. But it _didn’t_ and he never knew how terrifying love could be. And it was. It was powerful and occupied his entire being when he was with her. He had no control over his actions and lost all train of thought. It was an overwhelming feeling.

He didn’t know exactly when it had all began, but did anyone really? During the war? After the war? Six months ago? A year? Sometimes he tried to pinpoint it, but it was useless. He couldn’t remember when he didn’t feel this way, just that he hadn’t always. Of course, when she was just a genin and he was her sensei, he didn’t. But how long after that? He eventually just accepted that he’d never know. It wasn’t like it really mattered anyway. 

Love really was terrifying, though. How it could feel like a ton of rocks had been piled on him, but feel so good at the same time was a mystery to him. It was strange. Sometimes, it made him feel so empty, so half full. Other times, it was wonderful. He was at peace and _happy_. He couldn’t get enough of the good parts of it and decided that whatever pain came with it was well worth it. 

He had never even planned on doing anything about it. He was just going to live with it. Keep his lips shut and his feelings locked away in his chest for no one to ever open. He couldn’t tell her. It was impossible. The only thing he’d do is cause people he loved pain and he couldn’t live with himself if he did that. Especially to _her_. 

Then, it _happened_. He could still remember it perfectly; he could never forget that day. He had been looking for Shikamaru to relay some business for the Hokage. Tsunade had been planning on retiring in a couple years and wanted to name Naruto as her successor. Suzane had already said that she had only acted as the Hokage’s advisor because it had been Tsunade. So, they thought Shikamaru would be a good choice for Naruto. Kakashi had been dropping off a mission report when they decided to make use of his presence and make him play messenger.

The young Nara had been helping out at the Yamanaka Flower Shop. He had been manning the front of the shop, while Ino and her mother prepped flower arrangements in the back. Kakashi could tell that the jounin would much rather be laying in a field of grass, but he knew that Shikamaru didn’t mind as much as he portrayed. Anyone could tell that he loved Ino. And it was more from the warm smiles he only gave her than the ring on her finger.

After Kakashi handed him the scroll, he strolled around the small shop while he waited for Shikamaru to finish reading and give his answer. And that was when he spotted them. _Sunflowers_. He smiled under his mask and stopped in his leisurely stroll to admire them. 

_”They’re my favorite flowers, you know,” Sakura grinned happily, holding out her hand to touch the long stems as they walked. They had been returning from a joint mission together, their first one after the war. It had also been their first one with just the two of them. Kakashi had known they’d work well together, but he hadn’t expected to feel so content with her. Though she talked a lot like when she was young, it wasn’t inane chatter and Kakashi found himself listening to her wholeheartedly. She was intelligent and had lost the innocence she once had, but had still somehow maintained her childlike wonder. It was comforting to say the least. And he was pretty sure he could listen to her go on for hours about how much she admired the stars or the feeling of her chakra healing someone. Her voice was warm and soothing and he'd never tire of it._

_He raised an eyebrow at her, “Oh? Any reason or do you just think they’re pretty?”_

_She shrugged and looked away from his gaze towards the field of sunflowers. She spoke softly, like she was embarrassed, “I don’t know. They grow like trees, tall and over towering. And you’d think they were ridiculous, because they’re only flowers. You’d think that they would look strange, trying to be something they’re not. But they don’t. No one ever thinks that of them. Their stalks are sturdy and confident and they reach for the sun without shame. They’re beautiful. You can’t help but feel happy just looking at them.”_

_It had taken a moment for Kakashi to say anything, because he had been so thrown off guard. He hadn’t been expecting such an eloquent response from such a simple question. But that was Sakura, always surprising him with her deep thoughts and opinions. Not just her physical strength, but the strength within her. Her witty humor. He didn’t think she’d ever stop surprising him, and honestly, he didn’t want her to._

_He must have been quiet too long, because Sakura chuckled bashfully, “You must think I’m crazy, putting so much thought into silly flowers.”_

_He shook his head, “Well, maybe if they were silly rocks or something, because that’d just be ridiculous. But flowers, no, and I’m sure Ino would agree.”_

_Sakura laughed, nodding her head, “Yeah, she would.”_

_They walked for a few more minutes in silence and then Kakashi spoke in a calm voice with his eyes on the road in front of them, “You know, Sakura, no one thinks you’re ridiculous either. You’re just as beautiful as this field of sunflowers.” He didn’t know what had made him say it, because apparently he had lost all control over his mouth._

_But when he glanced at Sakura, she was blushing with an adorable pink that rivalled her hair. She mumbled a small, “Thank you, Kakashi,” and didn’t say anything else._

_Kakashi wondered if he probably shouldn’t have said anything, but Sakura was smiling differently from before and he decided he like it. He found it hard to stop stealing glances her way and felt his doubts slipped away._

Kakashi didn’t know how long he had stared at the sunflowers before he more watched than felt his hand reach out for them. His hand stopped in midair. _What was he doing?_ Did he think he could buy them for her? Of course, he couldn’t. So, what was he doing? Then, it hit him.

What _was_ he doing? Not just with standing dumbly in a flower shop, but with everything. With Sakura? He knew he loved her, he’d known for quite some time now. And yeah, it hurt, because she was married and not just to anyone, but to someone who he still considered a good friend. There wasn’t any chance for them. He knew that. He wasn’t hoping she’d fall in love with him and they’d elope together. She’d loved Sasuke all her life. He knew he didn’t stand a chance. A part of him didn’t even _want_ to stand a chance. He didn’t want to break up a marriage, especially one between two people he cared about.

It still hurt whenever he saw the two of them together, but he’d learned to ignore it the best he could. It had hurt when he heard they got engaged, even worse when they were officially married. It still hurt when he saw the diamond on her ring finger, but he’d learned to avoid looking at her left hand. It hurt when he went home to any empty apartment, knowing it’d probably always be just him. Because he was in love with a woman he could never have and it didn’t seem like he was going to stop loving her any time soon. But he’d learned to just avoid his apartment as much as he could.

There in the flower shop, though, he didn’t think he’d ever learn how to deal with the pain he felt at that moment. And it didn’t make any sense. He’d already been through the worse of it, hadn’t he? The engagement. The wedding he couldn’t bear to go to. But no, apparently not. Because this pain was suffocating, it was stabbing and left him wondering if he’d ever be able to walk away from the spot his feet were currently cemented to. He’d always known that he’d never have her. This wasn’t news. So, why did a bouquet of sunflowers suddenly make the thought seem so much more agonizing?

Because those moments that he’d always thought were complete bullshit _did_ happen. He was in love with her, completely consumed by her and she wasn’t even there. In that moment, he became certain that he’d never get over her, over this feeling. She made him feel like a madman. But he wasn’t one, not really. He was just a fool. And she was married.

\---  
 _*One year ago*_

“So, they’ve finally set the date, haven’t they?” Guy grinned around his cup of sake, glancing over his shoulder at the happy couple who were at the bar a few feet away. 

“I guess so,” Kakashi mumbled nonchalantly, taking a long drink of his own sake. He tried to stop looking their way, but his eyes kept wandering back to the long locks of pink that swayed whenever the door to the bar opened letting in the cool night breeze.

“Such a wonderful display of youth, young love and even a wedding in the fresh spring!” Guy chuckled enthusiastically.

Kakashi didn’t offer a reply, pouring more sake into his cup, hoping that Guy would just drop it and change the topic. But of course, he didn’t, because life was unfair. Guy’s grin faded in its brilliance and went back to a simple drunken smile, “It’s a shame I won’t be able to make it to the wedding. I’m sure Lee would like to have the support as the person of his affections is given to another.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at that, “Why not?”

Guy shrugged, signaling the waitress for another bottle of sake, “Alas, our beautiful Hokage-sama has asked me to lead a team on a month long mission.”

Kakashi’s interest piqued, he asked as casual as he could manage with how intoxicated he wa, “Have you picked the team members yet?”

Even in Guy’s drunken state, he noticed the shift in his esteemed rival. His eyebrows pushed together in confusion, “Why are you asking?”

Kakashi shrugged and tried to exhibit the same aloofness he usually had, not meeting Guy’s gaze and refilled his sake cup with the new bottle that had been brought to them, “If you were having trouble finding shinobi to go, because everyone’s wanting to attend the wedding, I wouldn’t mind going.”

He could feel Guy frowning at him and then hear it in his voice when he asked bemused, “You don’t want to go to your former students’ wedding?”

Kakashi sighed and took a swig from his sake cup through his mask, “I’m not much of a party person. You know that, Guy.”

Guy didn’t say anything for a moment and they drank in silence. Then, Guy said in the most serious voice he’d probably ever heard him use, “Kakashi.” 

Kakashi turned back to him, realizing his eyes had searched out for Sakura again. He raised an eyebrow at Guy in question and was surprised to see the intensity in his gaze. Guy looked over to where Sakura and Sasuke sat and then back to Kakashi, “Don’t tell me…?”

Kakashi feigned ignorance and poured more sake into his cup. He saw Guy follow the movement out of the corner of his eye, probably trying to calculate how much Kakashi had really had to drink that night. Kakashi replied in a bored tone, “Tell you what?”

Though Guy ran around in a green jumpsuit and yelled about the wonders of youth whenever he could, the man was no idiot. Kakashi wasn’t fooling him. The man had known him most of his life and saw through most of the wool Kakashi tried to pull over his eyes. But Kakashi also knew Guy wasn’t going to push it and he was proven right when Guy answered in a resigned tone, “I’ll let Hokage-sama know I chose you for the squad.”

\---  
Naruto and Hinata got married a year after Sakura and Sasuke’s wedding. The wedding was big and loud, exactly how Naruto wanted it. Hinata looked a little overwhelmed from all of the attention, but in Kakashi’s opinion she was handling it well. Though at times she looked like a nervous wreck because of all the people in attendance to their future Hokage’s wedding, her entire being screamed happiness. 

It was well into the night and the celebrations were still in full throttle, when Kakashi saw Sakura make her way over to him. Her dress was simple, a light green that brought out her eyes and stopped mid-thigh. She looked as beautiful as always and Kakashi found it hard to look away from her. 

“Sakura, you look as beautiful as always,” a kind voice told her when she finally reached the table. But it wasn’t Kakashi’s. It was from his left, where Iruka sat. He smiled sweetly at Sakura with the affection a sensei would always have for his students. In the back of Kakashi’s mind he wished he could look at Sakura so simply. Things would be so much easier.

Sakura smiled back in response, “Thank you, Iruka-sensei.” Then, she angled her body towards Kakashi and he saw a faint blush on her cheeks as she asked, “So, Kakashi, how about a dance with your old student?”

Kakashi grinned cheekily at her, though she couldn’t even see it through his mask, “Oh, is Naruto asking for me again? I already told him I have two left feet and he’d just be better off with Hinata.”

Sakura held back a laugh and shook her head, “No, he must’ve gave up on you.”

“Ah, I thought I was worth the chase, but I guess not,” Kakashi put on a dejected sigh.

Sakura laughed and pouted her lips, “Aw, poor Kakashi. I’m sure you’ll get over it. You know what they say, there’s plenty of ninja in the trees.”

Kakashi chuckled and shrugged at her, “I guess so.”

She put her hand on her hip and gestured with her hand behind her, “Well?”

“Well, what?” Kakashi feigned innocence just to torment her. Though it’d probably be the death of him someday, he loved her short temper and the little huff she always did when she started to get irritated.

As he expected, she huffed, “Are you going to make me ask you again?”

“Isn’t the man supposed to ask the woman to dance?” Kakashi scrunched his eyebrows at her and had to hold back a chuckle at her expression.

“Kakashi,” She warned in a tone Kakashi well recognized from watching Naruto and Sai both get thrown into walls from pissing her off.

He gave her a casual shrug and stood up, though his heart was beating just a little too fast in his chest. He held a hand out to her, “Well, if you insist, Sakura.”

She bit her lip, hiding a smile as she took his hand and he led her to the dancefloor. She raised an eyebrow at him and teased, “You sure gave in quicker than I thought you would. I was sure I’d have to drag you out here to dance with me.”

Now on the edge of the floor, Kakashi placed his other hand on Sakura’s hip and began to move with her to the music. He looked at her confused, “What makes you say that?”

She rolled her eyes at him, “Kakashi, you hardly ever dance at parties.”

He shrugged, “Naruto must’ve worn me down for you then.”

She laughed and let him spin her around the dance floor. They continued like that throughout the rest of the song with Kakashi completely ignoring dance etiquette and just spinning Sakura around trying to make her laugh. When the song finally ended and a slower one started, she didn’t let go of him like he expected and held on to him tighter. He wasn’t about to let go of her either, so he began to sway her gently to the beat. 

Kakashi was starting to get lost in her again and found himself staring rather openly at her. Before she could notice, he asked, “So, Sasuke didn’t end up making it back in time after all, huh?”

Sakura’s smile fell and Kakashi immediately regretted bringing Sasuke up. She shook her head, “No. But when he left he said even if he missed the ceremony he might make it back in time before everything ended.”

Kakashi nodded and didn’t say anything more. They danced without saying anything else for a minute and then, Sakura asked timidly without looking at him, “Kakashi, why didn’t you come to my wedding? You came to Naruto’s.”

Kakashi felt a pang of regret at the hurt in her voice. He sometimes wondered if he made the right decision, skipping out on their wedding. He had been selfish and hadn’t really considered how it might affect her and Sasuke by him not being there. He repeated what he had told her a year ago, “I had a mission, you know that. It couldn’t be helped. Just like Sasuke has a mission right now.”

Sakura was quiet for a moment and Kakashi faintly worried if she somehow knew he had volunteered for that mission. But then he felt her hand on his shoulder tug on his suit jacket. He looked down at her and she smiled up at him. She smoothed out the wrinkles in the fabric, “You look handsome all dressed up.”

Kakashi did _not_ blush. So, if someone were to tell him that the visible edges of his mask were turning a faint pink, he’d tell them to get their eyes checked. But Sakura didn’t seem to notice him blushing, which he _wasn’t_ , as she was too preoccupied with fixing the handkerchief folded in his jacket pocket. He cleared his throat and mumbled a, “Thank you.” She glanced up at him with a smile and he couldn’t help but return it.

They continued to dance until a loud booming voice yelled, “Sasuke, you made it!” 

Kakashi and Sakura both glanced towards the entrance, though they couldn’t see the new arrival through the string of people. They looked back to each other and then down at how closely they were holding each other. Sakura’s arms were looped around Kakashi’s neck and his hands were on her waist. _When had that happened?_ Sakura cheeks turned red and she stepped away from him at the same time he did.

She let out a nervous chuckle, “I should, uh, go save Sasuke from Naruto.”

Kakashi put his hands firmly in his pockets to stop himself from reaching back out for her. He nodded, “Good idea. You should do that before Naruto starts begging _him_ for a dance.”

The tenseness left Sakura’s shoulders and she laughed, “Yeah, I don’t think anybody wants to see that. Them arguing over who should lead and then suddenly their dance turns into a _friendly_ competition.”

Kakashi chuckled and Sakura stepped away from him towards the entrance. Before she turned away she gave him a sweet smile that made him feel like he’d melt, “Thanks for the dance, Kakashi.”

His voice was soft as he replied, “Of course, Sakura.” She gave him one last smile, before she hurried into the throngs of moving bodies to find her husband. Kakashi felt cold without the heat of her small body pressed against him. He shuddered from the sudden chill as he watched the pink be swallowed in the crowd.

\---  
It was the bridge where Team 7 had always met back in their genin days that he found her. She was sitting on the railing with her legs dangling in the air above the water and her hair dancing with the wind. She must have been sparing earlier, because she was in her black spandex and a red tank top. He slowed his walk as he saw her and stopped beside her, leaning against the railing. Before he knew what he was doing, he had reached out and caught a few free strands in between his fingers. 

“Your hair’s getting longer,” He stated the obvious when she glanced at him curiously. 

Sakura nodded, looking down at her hair like she was examining it, “I’m trying to grow it back out.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at her and turned where she was facing to look across the small river, “Wasn’t it you who always said that long hair just got in the way?”

Sakura shrugged and looked down at her feet, playfully kicking them in the air like a child, “I’ve been meaning to cut it, but I just got so busy at the hospital and hadn’t got around to it. And then Sasuke mentioned the other day that he likes the way it looks long so I decided to keep it. It doesn’t really matter to me either way.”

Kakashi didn’t say anything, feeling something off from Sakura’s tone but not able to place it. She misread his silence and defended herself, “I know what you’re thinking. That this is just like when I was a kid and kept my hair long because of a rumor Sasuke liked girls with long hair. But it’s not like that. I’m not trying to impress Sasuke. Not anymore. I just…if it makes the person you love happy and it’s not hurting anyone, then it can’t be so bad, right?”

The way Sakura looked to him with desperate eyes begging him to agree with her made Kakashi feel like this had nothing to do with hair. He knew Sakura pretty well and how she had always had trouble keeping anything bottled up. She’d always explode at some point and ramble her thoughts away. Kakashi didn’t know if she did that with everyone, but a part of him hoped that he was of a lucky few and an even smaller part of him foolishly hoped it was _just_ him. Either way, Sakura didn’t need much prompting once she got started and all it took was a simple, “Sakura, if you already feel the need to ask that, then there has to be something wrong.”

Sakura sighed in annoyance, “I knew you’d say something like that. You couldn’t just agree and lie so I’d feel better?”

Kakashi looked away from her and at the fish swimming below them, “Not if it’s for a false happiness. And you don’t need me to tell you that. I can see it in your eyes that even you don’t believe whatever you’re telling yourself.”

Sakura was quiet for a few minutes and Kakashi was starting to wonder if she actually was just going to keep it to herself this time. It made him feel frustrated, because he wanted to ease whatever she was carrying, but he didn’t want to pry where she didn’t want him. So, he just climbed on to the railing and sat beside her. She looked at him with a small smile and he happily returned it with his signature eye crinkle. 

It took a few more moments, before Sakura finally spoke in probably the softest tone he’d ever heard her use, “I’m scared of him.” Her voice had been so quiet that if he didn’t have canine like hearing, he wouldn’t have heard her over the water below them. 

Kakashi looked over to her in surprise, but she stubbornly kept her eyes on the water. She continued, “I know it’s irrational, because Sasuke isn’t like that anymore. He’s not insane with revenge. But…”

There was a full range of emotions in the green of Sakura’s eyes that reminded Kakashi that she wasn’t just the woman he loved, but a great fellow shinobi who had fought in a war when she was just a child. A child soldier, a little older than he had been, but still a child. She had battle scars, surely emotionally just as much as physically. He’d do anything if it would take away the dark fog that was clouding her eyes. He’d seen that before, in himself. And he wanted more than anything for her to not end up like him. 

He placed his hand on her knee without thinking and told her, “It’s not irrational.”

She looked at his hand and then up at him. She met his eyes with confusion, “How can you say that? Sasuke's turned himself around. He helped in the war and he did everything Tsunade ordered him to so he could lose his label of a traitor. He went to therapy, he joined ANBU, and helped out around the village wherever he could. He’s different now. He’s not that man anymore.”

Kakashi stroked a thumb across her skin comfortingly, “That’s true, Sakura. He’s not. But that doesn’t change what happened and nothing ever will. Forgiveness is one thing, but to forget is a whole other. Forgiveness is something we come to do, we work on it and eventually we can give it. But you can’t _choose_ to forget. That’s not in our power and you shouldn’t be upset with yourself that you can’t.”

Sakura was quiet, going over what he’d just said in her head. She sighed after a moment, “I thought after a while, it would get easier. But it’s like time hasn’t even moved. Like it hasn’t actually been three years since we got married, just a few days and we’re still trying to learn how to live with each other.”

Kakashi didn’t say anything, not really having any advice on the topic of marriage or even relationships in general. It wasn’t like he had much experience. But Sakura didn’t seem to mind his silence and she continued glancing at his hand on her knee again, “Sometimes, I still flinch when he reaches out for me even though I know he’d never hurt me. I thought it had been happening less, but really I had just gotten better at hiding it. I don’t know if he’s ever noticed. But even if he has, he’s never said anything about it.

“I still have nightmares about him and they keep me up at night, hoping he won’t try and hold me. It’d only make it worse. And isn’t that horrible? To not want your husband to touch you? To be scared of the person you share a bed with? To have _nightmares_ of them?” 

“Sakura, you don’t think you should talk to -“

She cut him off with a shake of her head, “No, it’d only hurt him if he knew and it’s not like it would solve anything.”

Kakashi didn’t know what to really say, seeing as she was probably right. He didn’t argue with her decision and asked, “Well, then what’re you going to do?”

She sighed, “I…don’t know.”

Kakashi thought for a moment, trying to come up with anything that could make the situation more bearable, “Did you know the sharingan can put you to sleep? And it’s like a dreamless sleep, too, no nightmares. You could tell Sasuke that you’ve been having nightmares from the war and ask him to?”

But Sakura just shook her head again, “I could never ask something so silly of him. I’ll get through it, Kakashi.”

_I wouldn’t have thought it was silly._ But Kakashi didn’t say it out loud and just raised a skeptical eyebrow at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. She was watching two red fish swimming around each other as if they were in some sort of dance. The corners of her mouth quirked into a smile and she repeated, “I’ll get through it. I need to. I love Sasuke. I always have. I need to figure this out.”

Kakashi kept his mouth tightly shut and didn’t say anything. He didn’t tell her that this wasn’t really something she could _figure out_. Nor did he tell her that her ‘I love Sasuke. I always have.’ sounded like a chant she had been saying to herself. He was being biased and selfish. He shouldn’t be offering her any sort of advice on her marriage. He glanced at his hand on her knee and noticed her skin felt hot under his touch. 

He patted her knee in the most casual way he could manage and told her, “I’m sure you’ll figure something out, Sakura. And if you need me you know where to find me.” He turned around and hopped down from the railing.

She remained sitting and chuckled, “On top of Hokage Mountain reading Icha Icha?”

He grinned at her, “You know me so well,” and walked away from her with a two fingered goodbye.

\---  
“Kakashi?” Sakura looked up at him in pleasant surprise. He was standing in the doorway to her office at the hospital with a smile. She stood up from her chair and grinned at him, “What’re you doing here?”

“Just thought I’d stop by and come see my favorite pink haired kunoichi,” He gave her a casual shrug, leaning off of the doorway. 

She cocked an eyebrow at him, “Mmhmm, you never come to the hospital on your own.” Her eyes wandered over his body and a small crease formed in between her eyebrows, “You’re not hurt, are you?”

He shook his head and waved his hand, dismissing her worry, “No, Sakura. I just thought since Sasuke’s away on a mission and not here to take you to lunch, I would.”

Her eyes widened the slightest fraction and then she smiled at him, almost shy with a faint blush that he was happy to notice, “Sure, Kakashi. I’d love to.”

Kakashi’s shoulders relaxed, relieved she hadn’t thought it was weird. Truth was that he had been wanting to spend more time with her, but didn’t know exactly where it started being inappropriate. She took less missions now a days, wrapped up in her new position as the director at the hospital. So, he didn’t get to have as many joint missions with her like they used to. Beside the group outings, the only time he was with her alone was in a hospital room. He knew his feelings for her were beginning to be more painful than anything else, but he still missed her, still wanted to see her.

Sakura draped her doctor’s coat over her chair and followed him out of the hospital. As they were leaving she bumped his arm with hers, “You know, Kakashi, Sasuke doesn’t have to be out of town for us to hang out or go to lunch together. Just because I’m married doesn’t mean we're not the best friends we’ve always been.”

The butterflies swarmed in his stomach and he was thankful for his mask, once again, because he was probably blushing. He looked down at her with a warm smile, “Is that so?”

She pressed her lips together and nodded, “Mmhmm.”

\---  
The first time Kakashi had seen her outside of the weekly lunches they had started having together, had been a day he would never forget.

He hadn’t even been looking for her when he found her. He had just been strolling down the path near the training grounds reading his Icha Icha, when he more _felt_ than heard the ground shake with a loud rumble. Curiously, just to make sure nothing was wrong, he changed direction towards the noise. Training Ground 4. 

Now, Kakashi had seen Sakura upset before. He had seen her cry miserably with snot running down her face and mascara tainting her red cheeks. He had seen her shed a few tears and silently brush them away like they had never even been there. He had seen her pissed beyond all reason and throwing Naruto, or whoever was unlucky enough to cause her wrath, into a building hard enough to leave a dent in the wall. He had seen her annoyed and raising her fist warningly when Sai insulted her. He had seen Sakura have so many emotions. Almost seen her thought process of whether she wanted to hold them in or not. But he had _never_ seen her like this.

Kakashi stepped into the small clearing just in time to see Sakura hurling a large tree at the opposite tree line. He flinched as he watched the tree take three more with it before they all crumbled to the ground. Sakura glared at the destruction and walked towards the trees ready to inflict more damage to the poor plant life. Kakashi’s eyes followed her, now noticing the complete chaos of the training ground. The ground had suffered so much from Sakura’s incredible strength and wrath, Kakashi started to pity whoever’s job it was to fix up the training grounds. The earth was broken in a thousand places, parts of it risen and others sunken. As he looked around he saw that other trees had suffered the same fate as Sakura’s latest victims. The training ground was a complete wreck and Kakashi was surprised that no one else had come by to investigate. On the other hand, maybe they _had_ and after seeing the cause decided they liked being able to walk.

Kakashi looked on as Sakura yelled and destroyed the fallen trees to bits with her chakra infused fists. His heart broke at the sight. What had caused her to be so upset? To the point where tears were pouring freely down her face and she was angrily destroying whatever was close enough? She was in civilian clothes, a bright yellow long-sleeved blouse and black tights. Which meant, she hadn’t come out here to test her chakra control to the limits and check that she could destroy a village if she wanted to. 

Kakashi didn’t even know if he should try and talk to her. Maybe she wanted to be alone. It wasn’t like she came out here with the hope that the trees would listen to her sob and offer her comfort. But Kakashi found it hard to leave. His heart reached out to her and it was painful to even consider leaving her, when she was so obviously upset.

Hoping that she wouldn’t decide to take her frustrations out on him, though he knew he would happily do it if it made her feel better, he tucked his book into his flask jacket and stepped cautiously towards her. She didn’t pause in her rage, uprooting another tree to throw across the clearing. She either had known he was there the whole time or was so lost in her emotions she hadn’t noticed his chakra.

But when he was just a few feet from her, she didn’t look at him. She stayed still, panting from her exertion, and avoided his gaze, though he was sure she knew he was there now. She kept her eyes on the direction she had just thrown her tree, though her eyes looked distant like she was seeing something else, like she was somewhere else. Kakashi stopped in his tracks, just a couple feet from her.

When her breathing had calmed back down to a normal pace, she spoke in a casual voice that when matched with her tears made her look crazy, “So, I took a pregnancy test today.”

Kakashi felt his breath catch in his throat. _Pregnant?_ That’s why she was upset? Kakashi felt the words shake him harshly from his shock. Of course, Sakura would get pregnant eventually. She was _married_. It was only a matter of time. Kakashi tried to ignore how a new stabbing pain in his chest and focused on Sakura. 

He didn’t dare say anything, not knowing what kind of response she wanted, if she even wanted one. So, he waited for her to elaborate and she did after a couple of minutes. Her eyes fell to the beaten ground, “I had thought I was pregnant for a couple of weeks now and when I finally had the time to go in for a doctor’s appointment…It was negative.”

_Ah, that was why she was upset._ Kakashi stepped towards her, “Sakura, I’m sor –“

Her head turned towards him in a quick movement and her glare made him stop in his tracks. She shook her head as more fresh tears poured down her face, “You don’t understand, Kakashi. Don’t say you’re sorry.”

A voice in the back of his mind warned him he was probably about to get hit, but he ignored it and stepped towards her again. When he reached an arm out for her and placed his hand on her shoulder, she turned her head away from him and he saw her bite her lip. 

“Sakura,” he said her name in a soft and consoling tone. 

She closed her eyes at his voice and her shoulders slumped in defeat. She let out a shaky breath and when she spoke her voice was broken and quiet. She turned to him with a bitter smile, “I was _happy_.”

Something stabbed at Kakashi’s chest and he grabbed her left arm with his other hand, turning her to face him completely. Sakura should never have to smile like that. He leaned down and met her eyes with his, “Sakura, don’t feel bad about that. It’s okay to feel that way. You’re in your early twenties and you’re focused on your medical career. It’s understandable that –“

She shook her head again, interrupting him, “No, Kakashi, that’s not why.”

He waited for her to explain and his eyes didn’t leave hers. Her emerald eyes were pink and puffy from crying, her eyelashes wet. Her eyes flickered between his as if she was searching for something and it made Kakashi nervous, but he didn’t look away from her gaze.

Finally, she stepped out of his arms and looked down at the broken earth. She kicked it without any real force and told him, “I was relieved when the medic told me. Like a burden had been lifted off of my shoulders. Those two weeks that I had thought I was pregnant had been horrible. I hadn’t been _excited_ , I had been on _edge_. I was _worried_ , but I don’t know what about. And then after the news, my first thought was _There’s still a chance_.”

Her kicking had started to have some strength behind it and she looked back to him, angrily, “And what the hell is _that_ supposed to mean? A _chance_? A chance for what? What was I thinking, Kakashi? Why was I so relieved?” She turned back to the risen piece of earth she had been abusing and kicked it hard, causing a gaping hole and then it crumbled. She glared at it, unhappy it wasn’t there for her to taken her anger out on anymore. She spun on her heel and stomped towards the tree line again.

Kakashi ran after her and grabbed her arm, spinning her around. Her rage dissipated under his touch and she collapsed into his arms, hitting his chest with her fists as she cried, “What is wrong with me? Why am I thinking things like this? This isn’t how it’s supposed to be! I’m supposed to _want_ children. Sasuke wants to revive the Uchiha clan and I’m supposed to help him. I’m his _wife_! I have to help him. But what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t even want them? I’m supposed to be the Uchiha matriarch, but I don’t even know if I can! I don’t even know if I _want_ to!”

Her hands stopped and she fell against him, burying her face in his chest. He held on to her as he brought them both gently to the ground. He leaned his back against a tree and held her. She continued to sob as he did his best to soothe her, stroking her hair and rubbing her back. After a few minutes, Sakura calmed back down. She looked up at him with the expression of a lost child, “Kakashi, what do I do?”

He didn’t answer her at first, trying to word his response carefully in his head first. He looked down at her, wiping away her tears with his thumb, “I think you need to stop thinking about what you’re _supposed_ to do and start thinking about what you _want_ to do, Sakura. Don’t just think about what Sasuke wants, think about what _you_ want. And then, _tell_ him and work this out together. You’re not in this by yourself.”

Sakura stared at him and started to frown at his answer. She was quiet for a moment and then, she smiled, but it wasn’t like her usual one and it wasn’t like the crazed one from earlier. Kakashi couldn’t put his finger on why she looked so different and then he realized, it didn’t reach her eyes. She nodded at him and extracted herself from his arms. She stood up, brushing her pants off. They were caked in dirt and she wasn’t making them look any better. She looked to him still leaning against the tree, “Thanks, Kakashi. It really means a lot to me that you’re always there for me.” She paused and looked away from him, taking a deep breath, “I’ll talk to Sasuke when he gets home.”

She walked away from him, saying goodbye with his signature two fingered wave. Kakashi stared after her, trying to pinpoint what exactly had caused her to shift into such a painfully obvious fake happiness. But he came up with nothing. He started to feel that certain coldness he only felt when he had had finally known her touch for it to only be taken away from him shortly after. 

He sighed as his eyes skimmed over the wreckage that was Training Ground 4. He knew one thing for certain. Sakura wasn’t going to talk to Sasuke. Not today and probably not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the timeline (the divorce and afterwards) will be in the next chapter in Sakura's POV.  
> Thank you for reading! :)


	3. Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the last installment is here! Thank you everyone who kept up with the story! You guys are awesome!   
> Well, I hope you like it. This chapter is in Sakura's POV.  
> Thank you for reading and commenting! :)

She was trying to maneuver around in her small bedroom when she heard the doorbell. She instantly changed direction and rushed to the door, resulting in a stubbed toe. She cursed under her breath, “Dammit.” 

She had moved back into her mother’s house a month ago, while she looked for an apartment. It worked for the meantime, besides the cramped bedroom where most of her stuff was piled around the room in boxes. Her mother was understanding when she had told her about the divorce. She said she had never really thought Sasuke was who she was meant to be with, but had kept her mouth shut since Sakura seemed to be so happy. She hadn’t said anything more on the subject and just happily took care of her daughter, cooking for her and helping her look for an apartment.

Sakura jogged across the apartment, her socked feet pattering against the hardwood floors. She wondered who could be at the door. The only people who ever visited her here was Ino and Naruto. But Ino was on a mission with Shikamaru and Naruto was probably having dinner with his pregnant wife at this hour. Her mother wasn’t home, saying she was going to have a “girls’ night” with her friends.

She opened the door and found Kakashi on the other side. She looked at him confused, “Kakashi? What’re you doing here? How did you even know I was here? Wasn’t your mission supposed to last another month?” Sakura vaguely knew she was rambling and probably looked panicked, but she hadn’t been ready to see Kakashi so soon after the divorce. With her feelings for him finally said out loud, even if they were only to Sasuke and in vague words, she didn’t know how to ignore them anymore. They were out in the open and she knew she didn’t want to deal with them so soon after the divorce, but she didn’t know exactly what to do with them instead. She didn’t know how to face Kakashi and as she waited for him to answer, she tried to remember how to be normal around him.

His eyebrows were pulled together as he peered down at her, “It ended early. The guys at the gate told me when I came in. I figured you’d be here. Sakura, are you alright?”

Her heart warmed at his concern and obvious worry. He really was always there for her no matter what. He was the best friend she had never thought she’d find in her ex-sensei. She nodded with a smile and opened her door wider, inviting him in, “I’m fine, Kakashi. Honestly, I’m doing pretty good.”

He stared at her for a second before coming in, probably trying to gage whether or not she was really alright. He took his sandals off at the door and followed her to the kitchen. She looked over her shoulder at him as she opened up a cabinet, “Hungry? I was just about to make dinner and I know you probably went straight here and have probably been living off of ration bars for weeks.”

He leaned against the counter beside her as she brought down ingredients for miso soup. She saw him chuckle when she grabbed eggplant out of the fridge. She smiled at him with a cocked eyebrow, “What?”

He shook his head slightly, “It’s just you know me pretty well, don’t you?”

She smiled as she turned the stove on and shrugged, “I like to think so.”

Kakashi began to silently help her prepare the meal without second thought, picking up a vegetable and cutting it. After a couple of minutes of cooking side by side, he asked her, “Where’s your mom?”

“Out with her friends. She said she wouldn’t be coming home for dinner.”

They had light conversation as they cooked, him telling her about his mission and her sharing stories from the hospital. They didn’t talk about the divorce or anything serious. Sakura was glad for his company. She had missed him while he was away. She was happy to find that her nervousness from earlier had all but vanished. Being with Kakashi was just as easy as always.

It wasn’t until halfway through dinner that he finally asked, “Sakura, what happened?”

She dropped her gaze from him back to her soup and shrugged nonchalantly, “We just realized it wasn’t meant to be and that we should stop pretending. You were right when you told me that I should stop thinking about what’s _supposed_ to be and what I _want_. Apparently, Sasuke had been feeling the same way.”

She saw Kakashi nod out of the corner of her eye and she looked back up at him when he asked, “And you’re alright? _Really_ alright?”

She sighed, putting her spoon down and crossed her arms over the tabletop. She stared at him straight on, “Yes, Kakashi. I’m _really_ alright. I’m actually more than _alright_. I’m _happy_. I feel like this giant weight has been lifted off of my chest and I feel free. Free to be who I am, comfortable in my own skin. I feel like _me_.”

She watched as his shoulders relaxed at her answer and he gave her a smile hidden behind blue nylon, “Well, good then, Sakura. I’m happy for you then.”

After they ate, Sakura walked him to the door and he paused as he grabbed the handle. He turned back towards her and Sakura felt her heart thud in her chest when his charcoal grey eyes met hers. Before her imagination could get out of control from the look in his eyes, he merely asked her, “So, are you going to cut your hair?”

She snorted at him, “Really? _That’s_ what you were going to ask?”

She noticed his hand slip away from the door handle as he raised an eyebrow at her with a smirk, “What were you thinking I was going to ask?”

She couldn’t help but blush, and hoped he didn’t notice. But of course he did, he just was kind enough to not comment on it. She waved a hand at his face, “Well, what’s with the intense look in your eyes, Kakashi? I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

His face became serious, “I am just very interested in your answer, Sakura.”

She rolled her eyes and grabbed a piece of her hair and held it up, “About my hair?”

He nodded, still keeping up his serious façade, “Hey, hair is no laughing matter. I find it a very serious topic.”

She laughed and rose an eyebrow, her eyes looking up at his mess of silver hair, “Obviously.”

He ran his fingers through his hair and pouted, “Well, now you’re making me feel self-conscious, Sakura-chan.”

_Sakura-chan_. He only used that name with her when he was acting like a dismissed child. She chuckled, stepping closer to him, “Sorry, Kakashi, I sometimes forget you spend hours getting your hair ready and that’s why you’re always so late to everything.”

He rolled his eyes at her playfully, “Okay, that’s taking it too far.”

She laughed, leaning to the side with her hand on her hip, “Well, anyway, back to your question, I don’t really know what I’m going to do with it. What do you think?”

Kakashi stepped back towards the door with a hand raised, “No, I wouldn’t want to influence your decision. Do whatever you want with it.”

She nodded to him as he opened her front door. He stepped out into the chill of the night air, but instead of saying goodbye when he looked back at her, he told her smoothly, “You look gorgeous either way, so don’t think about it too much.”

And before she could reply, he closed the door with a soft click. She stared at the wooden door with her jaw dropped slightly and her heart beating out of rhythm. A few minutes passed and she finally turned away and walked back to her room. She felt warm as she fell asleep in the cold of the apartment and she fell asleep with a smile.

\---

Sakura giggled at the sleepy look Kakashi had when he answered the door. His hair looked even more wild than usual without his headband pulling it back and his clothes were all wrinkled. She felt a little guilty about waking him up knowing he probably needed the rest, but didn’t regret coming by.

He rubbed at his eyes before giving her a confused look, “Sakura, what’re you doing here?”

She gave him a smile and shrugged, “Well, I heard you were back from your mission. And I thought I’d come see you. You know, make sure you’re resting properly, eating, and not bleeding out on your sofa because you think you’re too good for the hospital.”

Kakashi rolled his eyes at her, “Sakura, I am well capable of taking care of –“ He stopped short, noticing the container in her hands, “Is that your miso soup with eggplant?”

She looked down at it and held it up, “Oh, this? Yeah, I made you some earlier. But if you’re so capable of taking care of yourself, I’ll just go give it to Naruto or something. Hinata’s on bedrest, so he’s probably just going to go to Ichiraku’s like always without her homemade bentos.” She shrugged and turned around, grinning when she felt his hand catch hers. 

She looked to him curiously, hiding her smile, “Something you need, Kakashi?”

“Naruto doesn’t even like eggplant.”

She pursed her lips, looking up, “That’s true.” She turned to leave again, saying, “I guess, I’ll have to find someone else.”

Kakashi chuckled and tugged on her hand, pulling her towards him and through the door, “Sakura, just come on in already. It’s getting cold out here.”

She laughed, relishing in how warm his chest felt against her back when he had pulled her inside. She reluctantly let go of his hand, so she could take off her jacket and shoes. She handed him the Tupperware and instructed, “Here, go warm it up.”

He mock saluted her, “Yes, ma’am.”

She followed after him towards his small kitchen. After the Pain attack, Kakashi had moved into one of the new apartment buildings and his place was a lot bigger now. Unlike his single bedroom he had before, this one had a small living area and a kitchen. She glanced through the open doorway to his bedroom and saw that the sheets were thrown around and his anbu uniform laid forgotten on his floor.

She walked in to the kitchen with an accusatory brow, “So, you have just been sleeping since you got back last night?”

Kakashi looked over to her, scratching the back of his neck, “Ah, well, I was pretty tired.”

She shook her head at him with a small smile as she leaned against the doorway, “You were going to starve yourself until you found the energy to go outside if I hadn’t come by, weren’t you?”

Kakashi shook his head, “No, that wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t have starved. You were bound to come by sometime with food.”

She chuckled, “Oh, is that so?”

He gave her a smile, before turning back to the stove. He shrugged, “You always do.”

She scoffed, walking over to his cabinets to grab them bowls, “Yeah, well, maybe I should stop. You’re like a stray animal; if you keep feeding it, it’ll forget how to fend for itself.”

Kakashi gave her a hurt expression, but she could see the outline of a grin under his mask, “Aw, Sakura-chan, don’t say that.”

She shook her head fondly at him, “What would you do without me?”

“Apparently, forget the basics of survival,” he mumbled, stirring the soup.

She laughed as she opened one of the cabinets, but stopped when she saw something yellow. She reached for it and pulled it out. It was a black ceramic mug with a sunflower painted on it. It looked so out of place in his cabinet, filled with plainly colored dishes. She looked at him curiously, “Kakashi, when did you get this? I don’t remember it being here last time I was over.”

Kakashi looked up from the stove, turning the burner off. She watched his eyes widen a fraction at the mug, but he feigned nonchalance. He grabbed it out of her hand and put it back in the cabinet, retrieving two bowls instead, “Oh, it’s just something I bought on a whim.”

Sakura glanced back at it as he continued, pouring their soup into bowls, “The mission sent me all the way to the Land of Earth. This town I was in was apparently famous for their pottery, so before heading back home, I strolled around the village. And I saw that and it just…I don’t know, I just bought it. Not a big deal.”

Sakura bit back a smile as she took her bowl from him and followed him into his living room. After Kakashi told her more about his mission and what an “asshole” the client was, she got up to make them tea. When she came back, Kakashi was spread out on the couch with his head resting on the armrest and his nose in Icha Icha Tactics. He started to get up, but she shook her head and handed him his tea in a sunflower painted mug. She picked up his feet and sat down, putting them back in her lap and took a drink form her own red mug.

After a minute, she leaned forward and sat her mug on the coffee table. She looked over at Kakashi looking as comfortable as ever. She felt something warm stir inside of her and she smiled at how laid back he was around her. She had been surprised by it when she first noticed a few years ago, how he acted differently around her, like he wasn’t putting up a front. Like he was just Kakashi and not the famous Copy Nin. He joked with her and told her about himself, he didn’t act aloof and _cool_ like he did around others. He was goofy and childish and she loved him all the more for it. But what had surprised her even more was that _she_ was the same way around him. She was comfortable with him and didn’t feel like she had to be kept-together all the time.

She still didn’t know when she had fallen in love with him, just that she was and felt like she always had been. Had she been before her marriage? During her marriage? Or had her small crush on her jounin sensei slowly morphed into something else over the years? She didn’t know, but when she looked at him, she felt like it didn’t really matter. There was a bond that had always been there between them and whether it was built on romantic love or not didn’t matter. It was there, it was strong, and she was sure it will always be that way.

During her marriage, Sakura had started to feel like she was losing herself. That she had spent so long pretending to be what she thought people wanted, she had forgotten who she actually _was_. But when she was with Kakashi, it was like she remembered and she was _her_ again. Sakura Haruno. Not Sakura Uchiha, the Uchiha matriarch, wife to the famous Sasuke Uchiha. She loved Sasuke, she really did, and she still does. But it was different with Kakashi. It _felt_ different. It was comfortable and familiar like with Sasuke, but it was also exciting and nerve-wracking and she couldn’t get enough of it. It was comforting and assuring. It was so many things that it was ridiculous how all of the emotions coexisted. Kakashi made her so happy and he didn’t even have to try, just like Sasuke had said. She felt safe with him and protected. She felt like she could be her complete self around him and he’d never judge her for her it. And to Sakura, that was all that really mattered.

She rested her hands on his legs, playing with the material of his sweats. When he looked up at her curiously, she gave him a warm smile and told him, “I missed you, too.”

He raised an eyebrow at her and she looked to his mug and back to him knowingly. She almost giggled at his flustered face as he spoke, “I told you the mug didn’t mean anything.”

“It has a sunflower on it.”

He shrugged and avoided her eyes, returning them back to his book, but she knew he wasn’t reading any of the words, “So, what? I happen to be very fond of sunflowers.”

She chuckled and playfully nudged his foot with her fist, “No, _I_ like sunflowers and you know that.”

“I wasn’t aware only you could like them, Sakura. I’ll notify Ino and tell her she can only sell them to you from now on,” Kakashi argued with a flip of a page.

Sakura rolled her eyes, “Whatever, Kakashi. You don’t even like flowers.”

He looked at her with a mock offended expression, pressing his book against his chest, “I’ll have you know, I _love_ flowers. All of my boxers have flowers on them. I just never told you, cuz I thought you’d laugh.”

Sakura did laugh, “Liar.”

He rose an eyebrow at her and challenged, “Don’t believe me? See for yourself.”

He gestured to his room, but Sakura leaned towards him and hovered her hand over the waist of his pants. She looked at him coyly and reached for the hem, but Kakashi grabbed her hand and relented, “Okay, okay, no flower covered boxers. Happy? Can’t even let a man have his dignity.”

“Cuz flower covered boxers give you dignity?”

“Obviously.”

Sakura waited for him to say it, still leaning over him, practically lying on his chest with his hand still wrapped around hers. She cocked an eyebrow at him and after a moment, he asked, “Is it so bad that I thought of you when I saw it and just had to buy it?”

She shook her head with a smile, “Not at all. Just admit you missed me and I’ll let it go.”

He sighed and met her eyes. Her stomach twisted under his gaze, but she didn’t dare look away, enjoying how it also made her heart beat faster. “Of course, I missed you.” Kakashi’s eyes were warm as he spoke, they looked like they were filled with so much emotion. But Sakura wondered why she saw sadness there too. He continued, “We see each other almost every day and then to go a month without you, how could I not miss you?”

Sakura smiled at him, liking how warm and solid he felt beneath her, “I missed you, too.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, you told me that already.”

She rolled her eyes at him and reached toward him. But instead of reaching for his face like she knew he expected her to, she grabbed the Icha Icha out of his hands and sat back.

He looked at her bemused and she shrugged, “What? I’m curious why you always have your nose buried in these. This is the first book, isn’t it?”

He didn’t say anything, but when she glanced over at him, he was smiling at her, “Yeah, it is.” He snuggled himself more into the couch and closed his eyes. Sakura leaned into the couch, content to read while he slept with his legs draped over her.

\---

* _a few months later_ *

Sakura woke to the eager tapping on her window and the flaring of a chakra signature. She sprung up from her bed when she saw it was Takumi, a medic that worked under her at the hospital. She felt cold, knowing why he was there. Since the war, they usually didn’t drag her out of bed and into surgery anymore unless it was serious. She got that same fear that she always got that it may be for someone she loved. She grabbed a ponytail from her night stand and pulled her hair up, before slipping on her shoes and running over to the window. 

“It’s _bad_ , Haruno-san,” Takumi told her as they ran across the rooftops towards the hospital, “We don’t know if he’s going to make it even with Tsunade-sama already working on him.”

She glanced at him worriedly. Tsunade was already there and they _still_ felt the need to send for her too?

Takumi continued hesitantly, “He collapsed at the gates when he returned from a mission and the guards took him to the hospital. He has a long and deep gash along his torso. He’s lost a lot of blood and Tsunade-sama thinks the blade might have been poisoned. Also,…”

When he didn’t immediately continue, Sakura glared at him, “What, Takumi?” This sounded very serious and she couldn’t afford to have any information withheld from her that could help her soon-to-be patient.

Takumi flinched at the edge in her voice, but nodded, “He, uh, was calling out for you before he collapsed.”

Sakura felt her heart stop at his words. _Called out for her?_ Who would call out for her in their dying breath? Her first thought was Sasuke. Even after all they’d been through, it wouldn’t surprise her. But he wasn’t out on a mission. She had had lunch with him just a few hours ago. Then…

They had reached the hospital doors by then and Sakura almost stopped in her tracks as the name surfaced. No…it couldn’t be. She sprinted ahead of Takumi towards the biggest operation room and when she busted through the double doors, she felt her blood run cold. “Kakashi,” she breathed barely above a whisper in her shock.

Tsunade had heard her, though, and barked, “Sakura! Finally! Get over here and calm him down while I try to stop the bleeding!”

Sakura moved her feet without second thought and was instantly on the other side of the operation table across from Tsunade and two other medics. Kakashi seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness as he flinched underneath Tsunade’s firm hands. Even though Sakura knew Tsunade could keep him in place if she wanted to, she knew Tsunade was trying to avoid as much damage as she could.

Sakura looked over his bare torso that was covered in blood and Tsunade’s green chakra as she hovered her hands over him. The other medics were trying to ground Kakashi as Tsunade worked over him, but Kakashi continued to thrash around in pain.

Sakura looked to her old teacher in question, “Shishou, what’s wrong with him? Is he in shock?”

Tsunade shook her head as she looked to the monitors beside her. Kakashi’s heart rate was dropping. “No, I’ve never seen Kakashi like this. It must be the poison.”

Sakura nodded, already searching for what she needed. When she hurried back to the table, she said, “I’ll get the poison out, while you close his wound.” Sakura didn’t say it as a question, but out of respect she glanced up at Tsunade for agreement. Tsunade nodded to her and they began.

It felt like they were there for hours, but surgery usually did. As Tsunade healed the damage the blade had caused to Kakashi’s circulatory system, Sakura tried to work the poison out of his body. Kakashi had calmed down enough to where the medics didn’t have to restrain him anymore and assisted Sakura and Tsunade when they could.

Tsunade finished and glanced at Sakura as she started searching Kakashi’s body for the poison, “Is it almost out? I can’t believe there was that much in his system and he was still walking.”

Sakura nodded, but looked to the heart monitors with a wry glance, “But his heart rate isn’t picking back up.”

Tsunade paused and looked at Kakashi’s chest with a furrowed brow.

Sakura stopped too, not really finding anymore poison anyway, “What is it? What’re you thinking?”

Tsunade looked at her seriously and professionally, but Sakura could see the intense worry in her eyes, “It’s in his heart.”

Sakura rose an eyebrow, “His heart? No, that can’t be. He wouldn’t be breathing.”

Tsunade hover her hand over his chest and after a moment she nodded, “It’s not enough to kill him at least right now, but it is what’s causing his heart rate to slow down. I think it’s coated to one of the chambers and that’s why it’s not circulating out. And if we don’t get it out soon, he _will_ stop breathing.” 

Sakura had never taken poison straight from the heart. It was dangerous to apply chakra directly there. Too much focused chakra onto someone’s heart could cause it to go into shock and quit. It had been one of things Tsunade had first taught her, to not play with the heart. It was too difficult. But if anyone could do it, it’d be Tsunade.

Sakura nodded to her, taking a step back, “Okay, shishou. I’ll help in any way I can.”

“Sakura,” Tsunade gave her a sad smile, “I can’t do that. My chakra control may be amazing, but not even I can be that precise.”

Sakura’s breath caught in her throat and she looked down at Kakashi, at his sleeping face. _No_. She shook her head in denial as a few tears rolled down her face. But she cleared her throat and turned back to her mentor, “No, there has to be something! You can’t just give up!”

Tsunade walked around the table and placed a hand on Sakura’s shoulder. She smiled down at her, “Sakura, you’ve long surpassed me. I have never seen chakra control like yours. I may not be able to do it, but _you_ can.”

Sakura stared at her dumbly and back to Kakashi. It was up to her? She knew that she had surpassed her old mentor, but she didn’t have nearly enough experience to try what she was about to. But she was going to try, anyway. It was _Kakashi_. She couldn’t let him die. Not on her watch. Not when she could have saved him. She’d never forgive herself. _There’s still a chance._

Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat and looked back up to Tsunade, “I’ll do it, but you’ll have to talk me through it.”

Tsunade nodded and Sakura walked around to the other side of the table. She took a steadying breath before she looked to Tsunade for instruction.

“It’s just like when you were taking the poison out before. But it’s more precise. Your chakra has to go straight to where the poison is and it needs to be the smallest amount you can manage. You have to extract it with little movement as possible or you’ll kill him.”

Sakura closed her eyes and focused all but just a little of her chakra away from her right hand. She hovered her fingers over his heart, trying to pinpoint the poison. When she had found it, she reached her other hand down to grip Kakashi’s limp one. She was surprised by the warmth in his hand, expecting it to have been cold to the touch. But his callous fingers were warm against hers and she squeezed them in a silent promise. If the hand in hers went cold, then she’d know she had failed and she’d die right alongside him. Not physically, but she was sure her heart would.

Seconds really could last lifetimes, Sakura found out. And she felt like she gave away part of her life in those seconds. But when she had pulled away with the poison extracted, Kakashi was still alive. She ran her hand back over his heart to check for any damage she may have caused, but there was none. She felt so much emotion in that moment that her legs gave out from beneath her and she fell to her knees. She leaned her forehead against the table and closed her eyes. She continued to hold onto Kakashi’s hand tightly as she covered her mouth with her other hand to muffle a sob.

It took her a couple of minutes to calm down and when she opened her eyes, Tsunade was kneeled beside her with a wide smile, “You did it, kiddo. I’m proud of you.”

Sakura took a steadying breath and asked, “His heart rate?”

Tsunade cocked her head behind her, “It’s slowly increasing back up. Soon enough and it’ll be back to normal and he’ll be trying to escape out the window.”

Sakura laughed and more tears rolled down her face. Tsunade smiled at her and tried to help her back up on her feet. Once on her feet, she looked back down at Kakashi, still sleeping with his chest moving as he breathed. She smiled and looked to her hand still wrapped tightly around his fingers. She blushed and pulled away.

The other medics cleared out, but Tsunade stayed with her. Sakura glanced at her over her shoulder as she went to one of the cabinets for a blanket, “I’m going to have him rest here a little longer before moving him to a recovery room.”

Tsunade nodded and leaned against the wall as she watched Sakura clean away any remaining blood and then tuck a yellow blanket snugly around Kakashi. After she was finished, she didn’t move and stayed standing beside the operation table, still in the pajamas she had come in. Tsunade raised an eyebrow at her, “You okay, Sakura?”

Sakura didn’t look to her and just nodded. Tsunade headed for the door and then looked back to her old apprentice, “I’m sure it’s fine if you go back home, Sakura. It was a long procedure and you’re probably tired. The medics will take very good of Kakashi, you know that.”

Sakura shook her head, “I’m not tired and I know they will. But…I’m just going to stay here a while longer.”

Tsunade paused at the door when Sakura added, “Kakashi was calling out for me, so I’m going to be here for him when he wakes up.”

Tsunade smiled at her, though Sakura didn’t see it, too preoccupied with wiping Kakashi’s ragged hair away from his face. Tsunade chuckled, “I’m sure he’ll appreciate that.”

\---

_It was a strange feeling to feel so cold everywhere except one part, where there was an excruciating burning pain. Sakura laid on her back against the cold wet grass. She had a limp hand placed over her injury on her stomach, but she didn’t have any chakra left to heal herself._

_Kakashi kneeled beside her, hovering over her with his hand pressed against hers in a weak attempt to stop the bleeding. They both knew she wasn’t going to make it._

_“Sakura!” But Kakashi refused to accept that fact, “Stay with me!”_

_She gave him a small smile, moving her hand from her wound to wrap around his hand, “Kakashi, it’s okay.”_

_He glared at her, but squeezed her hand, “No, don’t say that. No, it’s not.”_

_She opened her mouth to respond, but instead started coughing. It hurt her lungs and she started to feel like she was drifting away. But she had to tell him. He had to know._

_Sakura gathered up all her strength and tugged him closer to her to where his face was only inches from hers. His grey eyes were sad as she met them and told him, “I love you.”_

_His eyes widened and then he closed them as if he was in pain. He leaned his forehead against hers and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”_

_She sighed, trying to hold on to the warmth of his skin against hers, “I was already married when I realized it.”_

_He opened his eyes and looked at her confused, “Sakura, it’s almost been two years since you divorced Sasuke.”_

_Her eyebrows pulled together at the edge in his voice, “I had to wait for us to be okay, before I-“_

_He cut her off, leaning away from her, leaving her more cold than she’d ever been, “And now it’s too late.”_

_She tried to reach for him, but couldn’t move her body, “Kakashi, I-“_

_He looked away from her towards the trees, “I loved you, too, you know.” He stood up and glanced down at her, “But now we’ll never get a chance, because you waited too long.”_

_He started to walk away from her, ignoring Sakura’s cries for him._

“Kakashi!” Sakura bolted upright from her bed with a yell. She looked widely around herself, feeling tears run down her cheeks. She was just in her bedroom. Not on a mission in a field somewhere, dying and watching Kakashi leave her. She tried to calm her erratic heartbeat as she looked to her left. It was just her in her bed, like it had been for over a year and a half. 

She glanced at her alarm clock. _3:22 a.m._ She put her head in her hands, her hair falling around her face like a curtain. _What was she doing?_ Well, she was waiting, but for what? Sasuke and her had finally lost any awkwardness they had left and their friendship felt normal again. She didn’t want to hurt him, so she had waited for him to be ready for her to move on. But what about her? Was she ready? Of course, she was. She had loved Kakashi for so long, how could she not be?  
What was she really waiting for? If she was being honest with herself, it was because she was scared. She wasn’t scared he didn’t feel the same way, she had known for a while that he did. She could see it in his eyes. In the hesitation before he touched her, even casually. In a sunflower painted mug.

But she was scared of giving herself to him so completely. Because she knew she would the moment she said anything. He would know her like no one ever did, every part of her. And it scared her to trust someone with all of her heart. She hadn’t even trusted her own husband with a part of it. She just didn’t want it to get broken. And she didn’t know how she’d ever recover if it was Kakashi who broke it. Whether it was because they didn’t work out or if he never came home from a mission. But this was _Kakashi_. If she couldn’t trust him with her heart, then she’d never be able to trust anyone with it. 

Thinking back to her dream, she remembered dream Kakashi telling her they never even got a chance. Her heart twisted painfully. It was what she was doing right now by just sitting in her bed _waiting_ for no reason. She wasn’t giving them a chance. She had a feeling Kakashi was waiting for her. Waiting for her to do something, _anything_. She was being cruel, selfish, to keep him on a string. 

Her dream flashed before her eyes and she cringed. She couldn’t let it get to that point. Confessions of love from someone dying on the battlefield. She couldn’t let that be the end of their story. She _wouldn’t_.

Sakura threw her covers off of her at the same time lightning flashed behind her, the white light illuminating her room through the small window. She ran to her door, barely taking the time to put her shoes on. She ran through the streets, not caring that the rain pelted against her skin and soaked through her clothes. She was freezing by the time she reached his door, but she ignored it. Her heart pounded against her rib cage as she raised her fist and knocked on the wood.

For the briefest second, she started to worry he wouldn’t answer, but then the door flew open and there stood Kakashi looking at her bewildered. His hair was wild and he was only dressed in a black sleeveless shirt, sweats, and his mask. His eyes ran up and down her body, his face becoming more worried. She couldn’t blame him, she probably looked insane, standing on his doorstep clad in her pajama shorts and a small tank top soaked from the rain.

“Sakura, what are you doing here?” He asked over the sound of the thunder, “You’re not injured, are you?”

He reached out for her, his hands grabbing her shoulders as his eyes searched her body for any injuries. She shook her head, “I’m fine, Kakashi.”

He gave her an incredulous look, “Sakura, it’s three in the morning and it’s _pouring_. What’re you doing _here_?”

She blinked away the raindrops from her eyes and grabbed Kakashi by his shirt, pulling him closer. Before he could realize what was happening, she tugged his mask down with her other hand and kissed him. She could feel how shocked he was beneath her lips, but he quickly started to kiss her back. His hand came up to tangle into her hand and his other arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her against his body. He kissed her hungrily, like he had been starving for her for years, and maybe he had. She felt so much emotion from him with every touch, every movement of his lips against hers. It was overwhelming and Sakura felt like she might burst from all of it. She had never been touched with such desire and care at the same time before.

She kissed him with just as much passion, barely breaking for air when her lungs burned and demanded it. She bounced off her feet to wrap her legs around his waist. Kakashi stumbled back through his door from her weight, but he kept her steady and closed the door with his foot before pressing her against it. 

She tugged on his hair and he gasped against her lips, “Sakura.” She melted against him and when he pulled his lips away from hers she almost whimpered.

His eyes were intense when he opened them and met hers. He held her closely, but he looked hesitantly at her, “Sakura…” His voice was deep and breathless, “Do you know what you’re doing?”

She nodded, her fingers playing with the ends of his hair. She stared into his charcoal eyes and asked him, “Kakashi, do you remember when I thought I was pregnant and I told you what my first thought was when I found out I wasn’t?”

He looked slightly taken aback by the question, but he answered, “You said you thought that there was still a chance, but you didn’t know what it meant.”

She nodded with a smile, looking at him warmly, “When you came back from that mission and you almost died, I thought the same thing.”

“Sakura, what’re you trying to say?”

She pulled him even closer, “I’m saying it was you, Kakashi. _You’re_ the chance that I’ve always wanted to take. When I found out I wasn’t pregnant, there was still a chance that I could be with you. I wasn’t tied down to Sasuke, not really. When you almost died, I gave everything I had to save you. Because there was still a chance you might live. Still a chance for us.” She pressed her forehead against his and breathed him in, “And I realized tonight that I never want to think that _I lost my chance_. I love you, Kakashi. I’ve loved you for so long and I’m tired of waiting for the right time to tell you.”

He kissed her and she could feel his smile against her lips. When he pulled away to look at her, she wondered how she had lived without seeing Kakashi’s beautiful smile without his mask. He kissed her lips again and told her, “I never thought that you would feel the same way. I thought I would have to love you for the rest of my life and die without ever holding you like this.” 

Her heart broke at his words and she pecked the corner of his mouth, “I’m sorry I’ve made you wait so long.”

But he just smiled at her, brushing the hair out of her face, “Don’t be. I would have waited forever. I have to say, though, now that I have you, I don’t think I can ever let you go.”

She pressed her lips against his, “Don’t, Kakashi. Don’t ever let me go.”

“I won’t, Sakura,” he told her in between kisses.

\---

The moonlight shined through the window, illuminating Kakashi’s pale skin enough for Sakura to still be able to see his face. She couldn’t stop herself from reaching out for him to have her fingers gently trace his features. She wanted his face to be committed to her memory, for her to be able to map it out with just her fingertips. She never wanted to forget, but in all honesty she didn’t think she could if she tried. 

Sheets and limbs were still entangled together as they laid there still wrapped around each other. Her fingers traced along his face from his scar to his bottom lip to the adorable mole near his mouth. He never looked away from her either, never shied away from her touch. He smiled at her with such warmth that Sakura felt like she had known his smile her whole life, and in a way she did. She had always felt the love in his smile from his eyes, so seeing the real thing now didn’t take her aback as much as she’d thought. 

Like he promised, Kakashi never let go of her and she was still pressed tightly against him. What she found strange, though, was that he was looking at her like she was looking at him. But she was just plain old Sakura. What could possibly be different? It wasn’t like she just revealed her face to him for the first time. 

She was about to ask him, when he suddenly said, “I’ve loved you for years.”

She didn’t say anything and he continued, “Probably since before you were married.”

Sakura’s hand paused at his cheekbone and she looked at him surprised. His head fell back against his pillow and he pulled Sakura to where her face was just a breath’s away from his. He didn’t look away from her eyes as he went on, “I didn’t know I was _in_ love with you, though. Not until a few months after you were married.”

Sakura’s hand dropped from his face to wrap around the one Kakashi had in her hair. She interlocked their fingers as she listened to him. He smiled at her with that crooked grin of his that she could finally see clearly. Then, he told her everything. What it was like when he heard about her engagement. About how he got out of going to her wedding. About the day in the Yamanaka Flower Shop. How he tried to be there for her as much as he could without overstepping any boundaries. How he rushed to see her when he heard about the divorce. He told her everything.

Sakura felt overwhelmed with it all. Kakashi had always been open with her. He’d told her more about himself after the war than he had the entire time before. There wasn’t much that he kept from her. But this. All of this was so much and she felt so guilty listening to how he had to deal with it by himself. How he hadn’t told _anyone_. She’d become his best friend and if he couldn’t tell her, then he didn’t think anyone else could have made him feel better. 

So, instead of apologizing again about how it was her fault, because Kakashi had had enough of that, she told him about her side of the story. 

“I don’t know exactly when I started feeling differently, but I know I denied it for most of my marriage. I told myself that it was because we had been through so much together and that I was probably just misinterpreting my feelings for you. I lied to myself that I was always so happy to see everyone when we all hung out. I told myself that I didn’t like it when Sasuke went away on missions and you took me out for lunch instead. I told myself that I had always loved Sasuke and that was how it was always going to be. I told myself we were meant to be, that our love story was a legend. But I was fooling myself.”

Kakashi was quiet as he listened to her, squeezing her comfortingly when she sounded upset and offering no comment. She sighed as she thought back to a particular day, “Then, there was a day that I got fed up with myself. It was around a year and a half in to my marriage. I had been strolling through the market, looking for something to cook for dinner. And I saw eggplant. It made me think of you and I bought all the ingredients to make miso soup. I went home and as I was cooking, I realized that you weren’t even going to be there to eat it. I don’t know why I had been so surprised when I suddenly realized that, but I had. I looked at the table, knowing in a few hours it would be Sasuke sitting there and not you. It made me sick to my stomach and I threw all the food out. I went to bed and lied when Sasuke asked me what was wrong.

“From then on, I always had this dread that I wasn’t living the way I was supposed to. That I wasn’t _who_ I was supposed to be.”

Kakashi kissed her softly on the lips and smiled at her when he leaned away, “Do you have a better sense of who you are now?”

Sakura sighed happily and smiled at the man she loved, “I think so.”

\---

It wasn’t long after they got married that Sakura found out she was pregnant. And she cried almost uncontrollably when the medic confirmed it. She didn’t know if it was because of how different it was from the last time she’d been in that doctor’s office. If it was because she was so relieved to find herself so excited. Or if it was just because she was so happy that her and Kakashi were going to have a family. That she could give him the family he’d always longed for.

When she got home, Kakashi was at the stove cooking their dinner. He grinned at her and she almost giggled at how cute he looked in his little apron that Himawari had made for him. It had _Uncle Kakashi_ strewn across it in sloppy blue letters and a pug painted at the bottom.

“Where did you run off to this morning?” Kakashi asked her as she stepped into the kitchen.

She ran over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He stumbled slightly from the impact, but held on to her. And then, she leaned away from him with tears running down her face, “Kakashi, I’m pregnant!”

She could practically see Kakashi’s mouth drop behind his mask and his eyes were wide. He didn’t say anything for a moment and before Sakura could get worried, she saw tears in the corner of his eyes. His voice was barely audible when he asked, “You’re sure?”

Sakura nodded excitedly and Kakashi laughed before tugging down his mask and kissing her. She could feel his wide grin against her lips and he whispered in her ear, “Thank you.” He held her tightly and buried his face in the croon of her neck.

She held him just as tightly and leaned her head against his, “No, Kakashi, thank you.”

\---

Sakura had never felt more complete than she did in that moment in Sasuke’s living room. Kakashi’s arm was wrapped around her waist as they sat on the couch. Across from them Sakumo was sitting in Sasuke’s lap as they all played Sakumo’s favorite board game. Sasuke had a smile on his face and was teasing Sakumo that he was beating him. Sakumo was pouting, but Sakura could tell he was fighting back a laugh.

She was happy to know that on that day they signed the divorce papers, they hadn’t been just empty words. Sasuke was still a part of her life like he’d always been. In all honesty, he was actually more a part of it now than he ever was when they were married. He was one of her best friends and never resented her for falling in love with someone else. He still loved her and she loved him just as much back. They were family and they always will be.

She thought back to when they told him they wanted Sakumo to be able to know his uncle better. When she told him that they wanted to come over every week to see him. She had never seen so much happiness in Saskue’s expression than that day. She knew he always wanted a family and she was relieved that she hadn’t taken that away from him. Every day she saw him, especially with Sakumo, his smile rivaled the one from the day before. Sasuke may not be a part of her life like had always expected, but she felt that the way it turned out was how it _really_ was supposed to be and she wouldn’t change a damn thing.


End file.
